


Zetsu's diary

by HinaSaku



Category: Naruto
Genre: Anal Sex, Awkward Crush, Crack, Crack Relationships, Crushes, Diary/Journal, Fluff and Smut, Gay Male Character, Gay Sex, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Mpreg, Multi, Out of Character, Pregnancy, Unplanned Pregnancy, Very Secret Diary
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-31
Updated: 2017-01-31
Packaged: 2018-09-21 02:48:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9528539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HinaSaku/pseuds/HinaSaku
Summary: The akatsuki finds out Zetsu's and each others dirty little secrets. What could go wrong? EVERYTHING of course! Cracking pairings ahead.





	

"Sasori-danna!" Deidara ran into the bedroom he shared with the puppet master, only to seriously faceplant right into the floor. "Look what I found, un!"

"What is it now, brat?" Sasori quickly covered his new puppet when Deidara came in He couldn't risk his newest creation getting blow up…AGAIN.

"LOOK, UN!" Deidara got up and handed it to the puppet. Sasori rolled his eyes and grabbed it. His eyes widened. "Deidara… where did you get this from?"

"Well I was in the kitchen and saw that in the refrigerator!" Deidara said cheerfully. "Read the first page, yeah!"

"And get killed?!" Sasori threw the book at the bomber. "I like being alive thank you very much and I don't plan to meet my end at the hands of some plant thing!"

"Fine then!" Deidara picked up the book and stuck his tongue out at the puppet master. "I'll see if Kisame-sama wants to read it with me!"

With that being said the blonde ran out of the room.

Kisame was sitting in his room cleaning his precious sword when Deidara burst into the room and tackled him.

"Kisame-sama! LOOK! LOOK!" Deidara started hitting him with the oh so important book that we don't yet know the name of.

"What? What?" Kisame gasped after getting over Deidara jumping on him.

"Look at what I have!"

"What is that?" Kisame looked at the book.

"It's Zetsu's book!" Deidara grinned.

"It looks like a diary…" the shark man thought for a moment "Where did you get this?"

"From the fridge!" the blonde smiled. "Zetsu must have hid it there."

"Hm…" Kisame pushed Deidara off of him, shut the door, locked it, pulled the bomber into the bathroom, and locked the door. "So…does anyone else know that you have it?"

"Nobody except Sasori-danna and you!"

"Good. Now let's crack this thing open before Zetsu comes back from his spy mission in Konoha, hm?"

"Yes!" Deidara opened it. "I've always wondered what ever went inside of that brain of his…"

_Dear Diary: Today Konan gave this stupid thing to me for my birthday. What cheap whore! At least she gave me something I can use! Tobi gave me a piece of purple string (cheap ass fucking whore faggot nugget!), Sasori gave me poison (Shall I slip it into his puppets and kill him myself? Nah…), Kakuzu-kun gave me a hug (Actually I used that poison Sasori gave me to do it, but neither the less, he did it! Damn! Kakuzu-kun is so fucking sexy!)_

Deidara and Kisame looked away in horror after seeing completely naked pictures of Kakuzu in various positions. The pictures looked as if the miser hadn't even known the picture taker was there…he probably didn't.

"Oh dear god above!" Kisame coughed. "Was…was that?"

"Yes…yes it was…"

_Anyway…Deidara gave me a stupid ass ball of fucking clay. I ought to have shoved it up his girly ass, but he would have liked it! (Deidara: The nerve his gay ass has!) Itachi gave me a book. Stupid smart hillbilly red neck…Kisame's gift had to be the nicest ever! He gave me Kakuzu's laundry!_

"No I didn't…oh wait…yes I did!"

**FLASH BACK**

_On Zetsu's bithday, he was about to go on a mission when Hidan came out of nowhere with a basket full of clothes._

_"Hey fish fuck!" Hidan just out of his hiding place. "Get this and take it back to my room before…"_

_"HIDAN! WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?!"_

_"Shit!" Hidan tossed it to him and ran out with Kakuzu coming after him thirty seconds later, nearly knocking over Kisame. The shark man's eyes burned painfully as soon as he saw Kakuzu's ass._

_Kisame had been walking down the hallway when he bumped into a neutral looking Zetsu. "Uh…hey."_

_"Hey…" Zetsu noticed what Kisame was holding. "What's that?"_

_"Oh this? Just Kakuzu's clothes…would you mind taking these to Kakuzu and Hidan's room? I'm already late for meeting up with Itachi to go on our mission."_

_"Really?"_

_"Please? I'll pay you back."_

_"Fine." the plant sighed and grabbed the clothes as Kisame ran off._

**END FLASH BACK**

"Remember when Hidan had stolen Kakuzu's clothes while he was taking a bath that one time?"

"Oh yeah!" he shivered. "Don't remind me!"

"Well I was about to give Kakuzu back his clothes when I bumped into Zetsu and then I asked him to take them to Kakuzu's room. I didn't know he liked the man!"

_You know diary…sometimes I dream about having cute little babies with Kakuzu-kun and making him tea and cookies…you know…wife stuff. I would make him happy. I know I could! I should probably start with eating Hidan. I have to go now. Pain in the ass (aka Leader-sama) is calling. What a fucking jerk. Why do we have a leader that smells like shit? As a matter of fact, why does Sasori smell like shitty cheese? Why does Tobi eat Hidan's "brownies" (they're shit with sugar) when he says they're nasty? Why does Itachi always have corn in his poo and doesn't flush? Why does Kisame have so many so many yaoi fanboys in the akatsuki? Why does Konan walk around naked? ALL OF US ARE PROBABLY GAY (except Leader-sama)! Why does Deidara pick his nose when he thinks no one is looking? These are the questions that may never be answered…except the one about Kisame…he is a sexy beast so just about everyone is the akatsuki wants his dicks. Especially Itachi Uchiha…he's up to something to get that dick into his ass. He has two blue dildos in the second drawer on his side of the room. That's all for now…_

Both men were laughing out loud by the end of the diary entry. It was so funny that they passed out for their laughing fit.


End file.
